Book Review: Human Tenderloin by Craig Wallwork

I think I'm going to experiment with adding my book reviews to this space for the one person who comes here.

                                             

Craig Wallwork’s Human Tenderloin is a collection of 16 short stories.

The opening track is ‘Bird Girl,’ a bit of a body horror/grotesquerie playing over the background of an apocalypse. Bird Girl’s outer world is grim and dark but its inner life contains warm, bright notes of hope. Like a lot of Human Tenderloin, it’s ultimately a story of Love - in this case, parental Love.

I really appreciated that facet of these stories.

Love - Capital L Love.

There are plenty of horrors out there, and none I’ve read have trod so steadily the narrow path of real, loving notes that don’t stray into greeting card sentimentality.

***Editorial sidebar: Too much of my reading (and viewing) in the last year has featured remorseless horrors that sell humanity short in exchange for brutal & shocking violence or rely on a cheap supposition to prop up shoddy approximations of better stories.***

The second entry in Human Tenderloin is ‘Dollhouse’ - a creepy little cursed object story, pressed into its musty surroundings like a footprint in a swamp. The dread slowly pools like water leeching up through the earth. Odds are, you’ll see the end coming - as you will with other stories here - but it doesn’t lessen the effect.

Similarly, the title track, ‘Human Tenderloin’ has a hazily visible climax that doesn’t tarnish the tale in the least, as it relies on its own bizarre circumstances and almost slapstick level humor to carry it through a tale largely about sourcing long pork for butchering and eating among a close-knit group of ghoulish gourmands.

My favorite entry in Human Tenderloin is ‘Paradise Won.’ ‘Paradise Won’ is an almost funny meditation on love and loss, repentance and forgiveness from the perspective of a widower renting a cabin from the devil. I won’t say more than that because, even though ‘Paradise Won’ does nothing to hide its cards, it manages to be surprising and moving nonetheless.

There are some truly bizarre mindbender horrors in here as well. Most notably: ‘The Hole’ ‘Time’s Flies’ ‘Murder Song’ and ‘They Were Born Without Faces’

‘Nothing Short of Dying’ is brutal, bizarre, downright gross, perhaps - and yet, it is a love story. And that is what elevates this and so many other stories in Human Tenderloin beyond being beautifully written oddities.

If there’s a low note here, it’s the hidden track, ‘The Ballad of Windsong House’ - a longer tale than the rest whose introduction is a bit laborious but serves its own payoff well. It has the feel of a bloated short story or perhaps a truncated novella. In the end, ‘Windsong’ circles back around to the connective tissue that holds the entire collection together, Love. Capital L Love.

I’ve been truly disenchanted by a lot of my reading of late, feeling that storytelling had become a contest of grim ideas and horrible suffering visited upon rooms stuffed with poor approximations of humanity. Human Tenderloin is populated by people that feel real, often sympathetic - at the very least understandable - even in the most horrific and strange of circumstances.

My only complaint about human Tenderloin is also one of its greatest strengths. The language is consistently beautiful and inventive. It always feels fresh and lush and filled with the Love that suffuses the entire collection. For me, it felt at times just the thinnest layer too thick, which is really hardly any complaint at all.

TLDR: Horror built on a solid foundation of Love, weirdness, and prose sharp enough to carve a steak from your leg. The collection I’ve read that shares the most DNA with Human Tenderloin is Joe Hill’s Full throttle - one of my all-time favorite collections.

Why is everyone down on The Dark Tower?

I've been pondering this for over a month now.
Why is everyone down on The Dark Tower movie?
Everyone should be down with The Dark Tower.
Did it deserve multiple 3-hour installments?
Yes.
Did it get them?
No.
Was 90 minutes too short?
Yes.
Am I tired of Universe-In-Peril stories?
Very.
Does this necessarily make it bad?
No.
My wife won a couple tickets to the movies. We spent them on The Dark Tower, even (especially) after hearing how bad it was from every critic and fanboy and Johnny-come-lately. I went because I love the Dark Tower Mythology. I expected a bad movie. Maybe if I didn't have the background knowledge from the gazillion pages of the books, I would have felt a bit lost. Don't think so but not sure on that one.
Did I get a bad movie?
No.
Did I get a great movie?
Hmmmm . . . .
Of course I suffered little disappointments that all gazillion and one pages weren't condensed and represented on the screen. But, really, that's about it. And compared to how much I disliked darlings like Inglorious Basterds and The Avengers, not to mention Batman Begins and bloated tripe like The Dark Knight Rises, The Dark Tower was not only not bad it was actually great. Not a great adaptation, but great entertainment.
I just sat back, stuffed my face with popcorn and thoroughly enjoyed seeing a few bits and pieces of my favorite series of books splashed across the screen. Good CGI. Great in-jokes for King fans. Idris Elba made a fine Roland. Matthew McConaughey looked a bit too mannequin-ish for my tastes but was calm and threatening in a way that I enjoyed. Top notch casting and performances all around. Seems a shame we're not likely to get this group together again.
The fuckin' low men? Nice little touch there.
The gunplay was top notch, even in a world inundated with topnotch gunplay (I'm looking at you again, John Wick).
but at an hour and a half, there just isn't enough of it.
of anything.
Still . . . .
I had fun. I saw a couple of my old friends for the first time in years.

Maybe I'll revisit their novels soon and hope that Netflix or HBO or Hulu gets ahold of The Dark Tower and does right by it with several well-produced seasons of Television.
I hope the movie (which doubled its tiny budget) inspires a new audience to read its source material and spawns the adaptations it deserves.
Do I want more?
Yes.
Am I happy with what I got?
Yes. Yes I am.

On the occasion of my idol's 70th birthday

So here we are, September 21st, 2017. Stephen King is 70.

First of all: Happy Birthday, Steve. (Just FYI, I don't know him personally, I just read that he prefers Steve. I try to use that whenever addressing him as though he were here, even though my instinct is to call him Mr. King)

Second of all: Thanks.

On July 3rd, 1991, I was 13 and you were not yet 44. On that day, I did some volunteer work for the library in my hometown setting up for their annual independence day book fair. As payment for my services I was allowed to choose any books I wanted. I chose a novelization of one of the Friday the 13th movies. It even had a selection of black and white stills form the movie in the middle. It sucked. It was unreadable even for a 13 year old boy looking for some blood and guts and boobs. The other book I chose was this:

a 15 year old paperback. I had to hide it from my parents because my dad thought Stephen King was a pornographer. I read it under cover of darkness in a week.

With that book, I went from reading the Hardy Boys and Caldecott winners from the kid's area at the library to reading grown up stuff.

Salem's Lot terrified me. I remember pinching the pages between my fingers to the point that some of them ripped. My pulse pounded just in anticipation of reading it. And when I got to the end, I wanted more.

MORE!!!

Because of this one book, I read a thousand more. I read a few Dean Koontz but that wore thin pretty fast. Ditto Robin Cook, Michael Crichton, John Grisham. All the other prolific/popular writers seemed to be more or less repeating themselves in story, style, structure. Not so Stephen King. I noticed he reused a few phrases. In the early years, it seemed that someone's flesh would run like tallow once a story. But it didn't seem he was reusing ideas or forms. Each book was fresh and I couldn't get enough. I made myself a deal: I would never read any King books back to back. It would be too easy to rip through the entire Stephen King library.

In those gaps, I discovered Chuck Palahniuk, Dracula, Frankenstein, Lonesome Dove, The Art Of Racing in the Rain, Terry Brooks, Ray Bradbury ....

Through it all, I learned most about authenticity. It's strange to think that a man known mostly for supernatural horrors taught me more about authenticity than anyone else. The stories were surreal and honest and never felt like someone was trying to push me to think one thing or another. They just made me think.

Then, of course, I found my love of writing. I briefly toyed with trying to write heavy, important stuff. But that's just shit. I like camp. I like accessibility. I like chills and thrills. I like vulgarity. I like making you think. I'm not going to tell you what comes after this life, but i'll sure as hell give you the opportunity to ponder it.

I try to tell scary stories. Sometimes I succeed.

Finding 'Salem's Lot at age 13 was perfect timing for me. I was a very sheltered boy with a big imagination. I was ready for bigger things and I feel very lucky to have found Stephen King that day. I also feel lucky to have been able to distinguish between 'Salem's Lot and shitty book based off a mediocre horror movie. A year earlier and I might have preferred the one with pictures in the middle - then who knows what might have become of me.

So, Mr. King - um, Steve - Happy Birthday!
And Thanks!

Dark Tower Addendum - I am losing hope (a rant).

I am losing hope for the Dark Tower movie. Another release date pushback was announced today. I guess September is the target now? I hope it's just a couple of digital wizards out with 'unrelated' cases of mono.

Never a good sign.

Never.

And I found this news after engaging in an idiotic argument (via Facebook comments) with someone who was complaining about the movie.

First, they complained that the seven book series was going to be mashed into one film and remove Susannah and Eddie - two excellent characters. That is not the point I meant to argue. I just wanted to weigh in on a topic we all seemingly shared interest in. So I noted that it was a continuation of the series, not an adaptation. Then this person kinda snarkily jabs back at me about where I imagine the content might be coming from, if not the book.

I reiterate my point. With mild, Kraft singles-level snark.

This person then comes back complaining, among other things, that the only female and minority character in the books has been removed.

Against my better judgement, I choose to reply. No good comes of engaging narrow-minded crusaders on the internet.

I say, but now Roland is a POC. And the characters you were just complaining about being skipped come later in the narrative in the event the narrative is successful enough to warrant continuation. I also chose, unwisely, to impugn Eddie's honor by mentioning he is a junkie.

I was mad so I went ad hominem on Eddie. Eddie of all people. I love Eddie. And I know a few real life junkies. Only one of them was actually a bad person. I wasn't even speaking my own beliefs.

Oh well.

I was treated to the point that in the novel, Roland is white, thus does not count as POC.

I disagree. It is a brilliant, ballsy move to put Idris Elba in Roland's shoes. And I posit that even if the character of Roland suffers or perceives no racism in the film, that does not make him white - nor does it protect him from the perceptions of the viewing audience.

As I understand it, the movie is meant to be a stand alone piece, but will leave room for further storytelling in the event it is profitable enough. It's all very hush-hush so who the hell knows?

I'm just so pissed that I had this idiotic conversation with someone who just keeps shifting the target to warrant further complaints. And then to turn it into another one of these complaints about Hollywood not being faithful to source material?

Please. Never Happens. Anybody fan can tell Peter Jackson did a fine job with LOTR. Any reader can tell you he missed a few points - some of them boring and not worth the file space. Some were things people liked. Jurassic Park: I like this movie still. The effects haven't aged too poorly. Also - not like the book. Both good. That's just how it is. sometimes you get a good movie out of a mediocre book. Fight Club, anyone?

How about let's complain that Hollywood is so white, when they've cast a black man in the role of a very white character? Then say that doesn't count cuz it's not how he's written? Complain that the movie will condense seven novels into one film and then, when confronted with the likely fact that it is not all seven, complain that the minority characters won't be there, even though they wouldn't be until later?

It's all so very annoying.

If you've read the entire Dark Tower series, you know how it ends. And if you know that, you know how a continuation makes as much, if not more sense than an adaptation. And how questions of continuity are moot. AND how KA IS A WHEEL, goddammit!!

And to top it all off, after trying to defend obviously uninformed complaints with information that I have - and that I admit is likely imperfect - I find out that the movie itself has betrayed me and will delay itself another few months.

In closing, to my junkie friends: I am sorry. I have tangentially impugned your honor as well as Eddie's. You deserve better in my hands.

Complete series. Three are first editions - one is signed by the artist.
One second edition, one third edition, three trade editions.
Also, please take note of the inclusion of Charlie the Choo-Choo.
For those who think I don't take this seriously because I am ok with modifications to the canon (except Han Shot First).
I call this the shelf of honor.
I hope to see Eddie, Susannah, and Oy on the big screen someday.
If I don't, I'm not going to get all bent out of shape.
Of course if I drop $30 to see a shitshow, I'll be briefly cheesed.