Dark Tower Addendum - I am losing hope (a rant).

I am losing hope for the Dark Tower movie. Another release date pushback was announced today. I guess September is the target now? I hope it's just a couple of digital wizards out with 'unrelated' cases of mono.

Never a good sign.

Never.

And I found this news after engaging in an idiotic argument (via Facebook comments) with someone who was complaining about the movie.

First, they complained that the seven book series was going to be mashed into one film and remove Susannah and Eddie - two excellent characters. That is not the point I meant to argue. I just wanted to weigh in on a topic we all seemingly shared interest in. So I noted that it was a continuation of the series, not an adaptation. Then this person kinda snarkily jabs back at me about where I imagine the content might be coming from, if not the book.

I reiterate my point. With mild, Kraft singles-level snark.

This person then comes back complaining, among other things, that the only female and minority character in the books has been removed.

Against my better judgement, I choose to reply. No good comes of engaging narrow-minded crusaders on the internet.

I say, but now Roland is a POC. And the characters you were just complaining about being skipped come later in the narrative in the event the narrative is successful enough to warrant continuation. I also chose, unwisely, to impugn Eddie's honor by mentioning he is a junkie.

I was mad so I went ad hominem on Eddie. Eddie of all people. I love Eddie. And I know a few real life junkies. Only one of them was actually a bad person. I wasn't even speaking my own beliefs.

Oh well.

I was treated to the point that in the novel, Roland is white, thus does not count as POC.

I disagree. It is a brilliant, ballsy move to put Idris Elba in Roland's shoes. And I posit that even if the character of Roland suffers or perceives no racism in the film, that does not make him white - nor does it protect him from the perceptions of the viewing audience.

As I understand it, the movie is meant to be a stand alone piece, but will leave room for further storytelling in the event it is profitable enough. It's all very hush-hush so who the hell knows?

I'm just so pissed that I had this idiotic conversation with someone who just keeps shifting the target to warrant further complaints. And then to turn it into another one of these complaints about Hollywood not being faithful to source material?

Please. Never Happens. Anybody fan can tell Peter Jackson did a fine job with LOTR. Any reader can tell you he missed a few points - some of them boring and not worth the file space. Some were things people liked. Jurassic Park: I like this movie still. The effects haven't aged too poorly. Also - not like the book. Both good. That's just how it is. sometimes you get a good movie out of a mediocre book. Fight Club, anyone?

How about let's complain that Hollywood is so white, when they've cast a black man in the role of a very white character? Then say that doesn't count cuz it's not how he's written? Complain that the movie will condense seven novels into one film and then, when confronted with the likely fact that it is not all seven, complain that the minority characters won't be there, even though they wouldn't be until later?

It's all so very annoying.

If you've read the entire Dark Tower series, you know how it ends. And if you know that, you know how a continuation makes as much, if not more sense than an adaptation. And how questions of continuity are moot. AND how KA IS A WHEEL, goddammit!!

And to top it all off, after trying to defend obviously uninformed complaints with information that I have - and that I admit is likely imperfect - I find out that the movie itself has betrayed me and will delay itself another few months.

In closing, to my junkie friends: I am sorry. I have tangentially impugned your honor as well as Eddie's. You deserve better in my hands.

Complete series. Three are first editions - one is signed by the artist.
One second edition, one third edition, three trade editions.
Also, please take note of the inclusion of Charlie the Choo-Choo.
For those who think I don't take this seriously because I am ok with modifications to the canon (except Han Shot First).
I call this the shelf of honor.
I hope to see Eddie, Susannah, and Oy on the big screen someday.
If I don't, I'm not going to get all bent out of shape.
Of course if I drop $30 to see a shitshow, I'll be briefly cheesed. 

Holy Sh - IT!

I gotta say - I'm excited.

I just saw the trailer for the upcoming IT movie.

That is some serious booga-booga right there. I think I'm like a lot of people who read the novel and saw the old TV movie with Tim Curry as the titular murderclown. I was worried they'd fuck it up. Royally. Tim Curry was amazing. Terrifying. The movie was actually pretty good even if the adults were not well cast. And of course, TV - especially in 1990 - just can't cover all the subject matter. But they did a hell of a job with one hell of a book.

So now it's the 24th and a half century and the only movie that gets made it a movie based on a movie. I can't wait until most movies so fucking meta that they're movies about movies about movies based on movies that are adapted from the novelization of a movie.

I'm concerned. What dumb shit will they do? How can there be a clown without Tim Curry? Will they add a witty, talking raccoon because people seem to like those? Are they making it R rated just because they can and that also seems like a thing that audiences are clamoring for?

Fuck. I was nervous.

But that trailer? Now I'm not so nervous. I understand that there's probably another hundred and forty eight minutes of movie I still haven't seen. but those two look pretty ok.

Like scary as hell. And the clown? Yeah, he'll do just fine, thanks.

The other excitement bursting from me like Geiger art from John Hurt is another Stephen King adaptation. The Dark Tower has been around my whole life and its mythology is woven throughout the stories of Stephen King - including IT. 

I am hopeful (read: cautiously optimistic) about this movie. It has good leads - Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey - and it is one movie that will require the best of modern digital wizardry to bring to life fantastical places, people and events in a properly convincing way.

Strangely enough, there is no trailer yet for The Dark Tower, which will hit theaters about three months before IT. There was a rough cut trailer leaked online last October. I got to see it before the NSA scrubbed it form the internet. It was every bit as promising as the one embedded above. Of course, when movies have pushed back release dates and what seems like limited publicity, ya might wanna worry.

Anyway. Fingers crossed. And poster ain't bad.

Logan Review

When you play Go Fish, you ask for a card. If your opponent doesn't have it, you have to 'go fish,' pulling a card from the deck. When I was a kid, there was always a certain excessive joy that accompanied drawing the card I asked for when I went fish. I would hold it up for all to see, proving my amazing luck, grinning like the fool that I now know myself to be. Then without trying to seem too prideful, I'd pair the jack of clubs with his diamond adorned brother and set them neatly next to my other collected trophies.

This is, near as I can figure, how I feel about James Mangold's Logan, rated R, 137 minutes.

I, like many of you, have seen more than my fair share of superhero movies in the last ... what? Twenty years? That sounds right. Two decades of CGI wizardry and phenomenal cosmic powers. There have been some excellent entries in the genre over that span of time. Just beneath the X-Men umbrella, X-Men, X2, and Days of Future Past were terrific flicks. That still leaves five movies - over half the current cannon - that were real clankers.

The Michael Keaton/Tim Burton Batmen were a breath of fresh air: strange and dark and visually new. I'm of the opinion that all of the caped crusaders since have sucked. Hard. Heath Ledger was an amazing Joker but that does not redeem the thoroughly shitty and incomprehensible Dark Knight trilogy.

I have seen a variety of swirling CGI menaces bent on the destruction of all life, or all human life, or all mutant life for various vague and terrifying reasons too many times. The first time I saw the realistic depiction of an entire city being leveled, I was amazed and mortified. But now that is the centerpiece to every movie. The Avengers, Fantastic Four, Ninja Turtles, Superman, Suicide Squad, X-Men, and - to a lesser extent - Batman. Did I miss anyone? Probably.

Q: How many times can THE ENTIRE RACE/PLANET/UNIVERSE face down imminent destruction?

A: Every. Fucking. Time.

Congratulations! You've made the killing of a half million people boring and cliche.

What Logan does that has been conspicuously absent from all these movies is it tells a human story. A story of small consequences; individual needs, fears, and desires. It is violent and profane and real. The movie leans heavily on the performances of Hugh Jackman, the always excellent Sir Patrick Stewart and newcomer Dafne Keene who perfectly fills the role of Logan's violent, confused, and lonely progeny.

In Logan, the stakes are not so very high. There is one life on the line and it is not an important one. Not important in the sense that the sun will go out if she is caught and killed, anyway. We have our heroes: Logan and Professor X, both dying.

Professor X seems to be suffering from dementia, which has turned his supermind into an unpredictable and dangerous weapon. The effects of his illness give us the best action set piece - not featuring Keanu Reeves - that I can recall. I'm not forgetting Quicksilver's antics in the kitchen.

In this movie, The Wolverine doesn't quite heal, needs reading glasses, and is reduced to driving a limo to save money for a boat to escape in. Logan's muscle tone is gone. His moobies jiggle when he runs. He's never not drunk.

There is a nice sidebar to the story, which works the comic books in as exaggerated and sanitized stories of the exploits a now extinct race of mutants. Logan is not sanitized - nor should it be. Another part of the power of the storytelling is that it neither ignores nor revels in its violence. It doesn't flinch from the violence and the price of it. There are no bloodless stabbings here. No dark bullet holes quickly healed. There are bloody amputations and violent murders. There is torture. There is regret. And when the innocent die here, we are made to look at them.

What there isn't is a good guy. Logan is no good guy. He's Han Solo, when Han Shot First. There are bad guys, but killing bad guys doesn't make you a good guy, does it?

Logan is imperfect, much like its characters. And similarly endearing. It takes its time telling its story, like many excellent films, and is rewarding and surprising while eschewing the BIG TWIST for somewhat familiar and predictable territory - if you think outside the superhero box.

Like pulling the jack of clubs, I got exactly what I wanted and I was unreasonably happy about it. This is easily a 3.5 star movie on a 4 star scale. 5 out of 4 on the superhero scale.

By way of introduction

You can tell a lot about someone by their taste in movies. I used to work with a guy - his first few days I thought we'd get along. We did. But not as well as I'd hoped. We were riffing on movies we liked and there was a ton of overlap, so I loaned him Memento, the neo-noir thriller from 1992, directed by Christopher Nolan. A few days later, he returned my DVD and said to me "Man, I dunno. That was kind of boring."

I was shocked. Perhaps confusing the first time through - but boring? Not a chance.

As time passed, I discovered that this guy required a high level of either nudity or violent action in order to enjoy viewing it. He could discern within these elements if a movie was good or bad and it was here we usually agreed. Take away the tits and the guts, he only saw that it was boring.

I've watched Memento probably half a dozen times. It only gets better. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not out here only watching critical darlings and highbrow bullshit. I also love Dude, Where's My Car? I know it's not good.

Here's one that divides me and my friends. I absolutely hated Inglorious Basterds. 

Maybe I'll get into all of that another time. Just trying to introduce myself here.

I'm Nick. I'm a writer. Mostly Horror. From the street my house probably looks pretty normal. From my house, you all look like a bunch of fuckin' monsters. But that's cool. I like monsters.

I've got a wife, two kids, a cat, a hermit crab, and all these voices.

Most of the time people are surprised to discover I dropped out of high school. It's not my proudest moment. Not even close - but it's indicative of where I've been and who I've been. People think dropping out is for dummies. It is. I was a dummy to quit. If I hadn't, maybe I could be dead already.

The fact is, I can't even remember being in high school (not drug-related). I hated it so much that I've wiped almost the entirety of four years from my mind. I can't remember people's names, except a few close friends. I still have nightmares about those hallways more than twenty years since I last squeaked a filthy Chuck Taylor across those filthy vinyl tiles.

I keep two podcasts on my phone:
The New Yorker Fiction Podcast 
Nightmare Magazine 

I'm a Stephen King junkie

And i just typed thru daylight saving and lost another hour. I'm gonna be useless tomorrow. Wish me luck.